I’m So Stressed: Is it our new Addiction?

How often in a day do we say or think “I’m so stressed.”
Not as a plea for help, not as a dramatic sigh, but dare I say as proof. A quick reminder to myself (and maybe to whoever was listening) that I am still on top of things, still pushing forward, still multi-tasking.

It struck me that the word “stressed” has become the new must-have statement? Not intentionally, but it feels the right thing to say, we wear it like jewellery, slip it into conversations, let it dangle on the end of a text, 'sorry I did not ….it's been a stressful day.'

Sound familiar?

Why Stress Feels Safe

In midlife, when so much is changing, careers reshaping, children leaving or returning, parents needing us more, our bodies surprising us as menopause creeps up on us. That feeling of stress can feel like the one thing we can count on, it is always there and often feeling flustered, panicked, fearful feels tangible, familiar. It’s almost comforting.

If we’re stressed, then surely, we must be doing something right. We must still matter. Have value? Be needed?

Stress has become our badge of honour. Our measure that we’re not invisible. That we haven’t slowed down. That even if we feel out of control in other areas, we’re still part of the world and playing our part.

The cost is huge though

Here is the problem, it is like any addiction, stress gives us a short hit and then leaves us emptier, more exhausted and often quite lonely.

It steals our sleep, it drains our creativity and eats away at our health, our relationships.

Then for me the biggie, it removes our ability to feel gratitude and experience the small joys. Ever eaten a meal and have no idea what it really tasted like? Or met up with your mum and walked away spending more time on the phone sorting out stuff than listening and connecting?

When this is all put in front of us, it does not sound like a good thing at all and yet we return to it day after day, because calm feels too unfamiliar. Stillness feels uncomfortable.

We’ve been so conditioned to prove ourselves and to others, through being busy, through juggling, through pushing your limits, that we don’t quite know who we are without the stress.

It's because we strived to be seen as equal that we feel we must manage everything family, work and all the extras to prove we are worthy of been seen as an equal in market place?

We are worthy, we have the skills and the spirit to create a life that works for us, but we only have so much capacity, we need to manage our path, by that I mean understand the value of empty space (mind and environmental). Having less stress does not impact our value, showing others our boundaries does not mean we are not coping, it shows the opposite, that we are coping and we know when enough is enough.

I am not saying that stress is the villain and that our lives need to be totally void of stress. The right kind of pressure can sharpen our focus, stretch our thinking, and draw out strengths we didn’t know were there. But chronic, self-imposed stress is something else entirely. Wearing it like a badge of honour isn’t strength, it’s slow self-destruction, raising cortisol, straining the heart and silently draining the very energy we need for what matters most.

It causes us to lose time, precious years swallowed up in the constant chase.
We lose connection with our partner, parents, friends and children as we are too busy to sit down, too restless to be fully in the moment. The time your young adult decides to come along for a chat as you are juggling a number of other important things so you miss the moment or the frustration you feel when your mum calls “ just to talk “ and you are too busy to listen and share the moment. We slowly start to lose ourselves  because our worth gets measured by how much pressure we can absorb, not by what truly lights us up as that starts to feel selfish .

Choosing Something Different

What if stress wasn’t our proof anymore?
What if we let peace, energy, or joy be the marker that we’re living fully?

This isn’t about giving everything up and drifting away. It’s about noticing when we reach for stress like a safety blanket, and gently asking ourselves: “What am I trying to prove? And who to?”

Journaling can help here. The messy, scribbled, “this is what’s really going on in my head” . Because when you see it on the page, you notice the patterns. You see where stress is keeping you stuck. And you open the door to something more nourishing.

A Closing Thought

We don’t need stress to prove we’re still capable. Our lives, our wisdom, our resilience already prove that.

Midlife isn’t about shrinking back or clinging to the badge of being “so stressed.” It’s about deciding what really matters and giving ourselves permission to measure life in something richer than exhaustion. Calm isn’t a weakness. It’s the new power move.